Ice Warriors
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<div class="box"> | <div class="box"> | ||
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== Host == | == Host == | ||
| - | Dani Behr | + | [[Dani Behr]] |
== Co-hosts == | == Co-hosts == | ||
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== Broadcast == | == Broadcast == | ||
| - | LWT for ITV, | + | LWT for ITV, 24 January to 21 March 1998 (9 episodes in 1 series) |
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</div> | </div> | ||
== Synopsis == | == Synopsis == | ||
| - | + | ''[[Gladiators]]'' on ice but instead of the Glads we had the Ice Warriors - hurrah! Not, sadly, warriors made out of ice (which would have cost a few bob) but people dressed in Medieval costumes and called things like 'Rax the Destroyer', 'Plax the Mouthwash', 'Hattie Jacques out of the Carry On Films' and so on. Interestingly, whilst we aren't told the statistics in the Gladiators stylee (height, weight and so on), the Ice Glads are given attributes like Strength, Magic, Beauty, Intelligence and suchlike. Not a bad idea and one that suits the show fittingly. | |
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<div class="image"><IMG src="/atoz/programmes/i/ice_warriors/ice warriors 5.jpg" alt="ice warriors 5.jpg" width="276" height="113"></div> | <div class="image"><IMG src="/atoz/programmes/i/ice_warriors/ice warriors 5.jpg" alt="ice warriors 5.jpg" width="276" height="113"></div> | ||
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'''Zero Degrees''': Players skate in and out of markers whilst ducking and diving over the giant Ice Propeller being pushed by the Ice Warriors. Now the first time this is played, it's quite amusing if somewhat brutal. Second time round it's a bit dull. Fourth time round (twice each for women and men) our remote control trigger finger is getting itchy. | '''Zero Degrees''': Players skate in and out of markers whilst ducking and diving over the giant Ice Propeller being pushed by the Ice Warriors. Now the first time this is played, it's quite amusing if somewhat brutal. Second time round it's a bit dull. Fourth time round (twice each for women and men) our remote control trigger finger is getting itchy. | ||
| - | '''Porcupine''': A team of contestants | + | '''Porcupine''': A team of contestants attempts to throw a Saturn (like a Frisbee ball thing) into the back of a moving ice vehicle called the Porcupine (for obvious reasons...?) whilst the Gladiators, sorry, Ice Warriors try and stop them. A bit like basketball on ice really. Only duller. |
'''Scythe''': Iiiiitt's a race! And this week's novelty... is bits of wood! The ice warriors can use said wood bits to make barriers. Now that's all well and good but actually utterly pointless because the two teams are racing against each other. | '''Scythe''': Iiiiitt's a race! And this week's novelty... is bits of wood! The ice warriors can use said wood bits to make barriers. Now that's all well and good but actually utterly pointless because the two teams are racing against each other. | ||
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Later episodes included such magnificent ideas as '''Iceberg''' (contestants charge around the rink, but the Ice Warriors are trying to stop them by pushing around some seven-foot-high polystyrene shapes) and '''Cresta Run''' (in which teams pushed a bobsled round the rink and into a wall, and got it all done and dusted in less than 20 seconds.) | Later episodes included such magnificent ideas as '''Iceberg''' (contestants charge around the rink, but the Ice Warriors are trying to stop them by pushing around some seven-foot-high polystyrene shapes) and '''Cresta Run''' (in which teams pushed a bobsled round the rink and into a wall, and got it all done and dusted in less than 20 seconds.) | ||
| - | After all those six hi-octane dull rounds, and a bizarre Entertainment (think Riverdance, but On Ice. And duller) the team awarded the most credits gets to play for big cash prizes | + | After all those six hi-octane dull rounds, and a bizarre Entertainment (think Riverdance, but On Ice. And duller) the team awarded the most credits gets to play for big cash prizes. |
'''The Polar Pursuit''': Well if three rounds can follow the same winning formula, why change it? Yep - it's another race, and this time it's a Pursuit. The Ice Warriors each carry flags and have to complete four laps of the track with the players giving chase. If the players catch up with their Warrior, they can grab the flag, take it to the centre, plant it in the flagpole, and win a whopping £250. But if the Ice Warriors completed four laps, then they were safe. The prize values increased through the knockout competition. | '''The Polar Pursuit''': Well if three rounds can follow the same winning formula, why change it? Yep - it's another race, and this time it's a Pursuit. The Ice Warriors each carry flags and have to complete four laps of the track with the players giving chase. If the players catch up with their Warrior, they can grab the flag, take it to the centre, plant it in the flagpole, and win a whopping £250. But if the Ice Warriors completed four laps, then they were safe. The prize values increased through the knockout competition. | ||
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So then, the main problem in the show lies in the fact you can't actually do very much with ice skating other than a) skate on a boring, flat surface and b) try and do it faster than anybody else. It's this that killed the show stone dead. | So then, the main problem in the show lies in the fact you can't actually do very much with ice skating other than a) skate on a boring, flat surface and b) try and do it faster than anybody else. It's this that killed the show stone dead. | ||
| - | Host of the show was | + | Host of the show was Dani Behr who lied to get the job, saying that she could skate when in reality she couldn't. She took lessons. She needn't have bothered. |
| - | <div class="image"> | + | <div class="image">[[File:Ice warriors danni.jpg]]''Dani Behr and companion''</div> |
| - | + | In some ways, this is almost a shame because despite not being thought out properly the show had very high production values. The music was all classical in nature and rather jolly with it, the set was equally good - lots of platforms and icicles with some random fire pools in places. | |
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| - | In some ways, this is almost a shame because despite not being thought out properly the show had very high production values. The music was all classical in nature and rather jolly with it, the set was equally good - lots of | + | |
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== Catchphrases == | == Catchphrases == | ||
| - | "I award the city | + | "I award the city of Manchester 50 credits!" (and similar pomposity) |
"We come here not to fight, but to excel!" | "We come here not to fight, but to excel!" | ||
| - | + | "The god of fortune has not smiled on you." | |
== Inventor == | == Inventor == | ||
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== Trivia == | == Trivia == | ||
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| + | So poor were the ratings that a month in the show moved back an hour and lost fifteen minutes from its running time. | ||
Perhaps surprisingly and perhaps not, ''Ice Warriors'' won the Bronze Rose of Montreux in the best game show category. | Perhaps surprisingly and perhaps not, ''Ice Warriors'' won the Bronze Rose of Montreux in the best game show category. | ||
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One ITV executive said, on visiting the set, ''"Wow, that looks like a million dollars."'' In fact, it cost £1.5 million... | One ITV executive said, on visiting the set, ''"Wow, that looks like a million dollars."'' In fact, it cost £1.5 million... | ||
| - | The show was made at Manchester Arena, which had just been completed and had a permanent ice rink as part of its structure. When medieval-clad loons weren't bombing around on it, the ice played host to Manchester Storm in the Ice Hockey Superleague. | + | The show was made at Manchester Arena, which had just been completed and had a permanent ice rink as part of its structure. When medieval-clad loons weren't bombing around on it, the ice played host to Manchester Storm in the Ice Hockey Superleague.<!-- PUTTING HERE FOR REFERENCE - WILL DELETE LATER |
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| + | THE CONCEPT: Gladiators had been a big hit for ITV for several years, but by the end of the nineties it seemed to be running out of steam a bit. Hence the channel decided to take all the best bits of the series – the big over-the-top arena setting, the fantasy, the physical challenges – and put them in a new format that would be equally successful and, presumably, eventually replace it. The big difference was that this show was on ice – hence the name. | ||
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| + | THE HYPE: Ice Warriors was going to be the most exciting series in the history of ITV, promoted endlessly for months in advance. | ||
| + | Indeed, when outgoing ITV controller Marcus Plantin left at the end of 1997, he told everyone who would listen that light entertainment was in safe hands because Ice Warriors was on its way and would be his lasting legacy. Certainly the sheer scale of the show couldn't fail to impress, with the rumour being that some ITV executive went to the Manchester Arena to see the set and said "This looks like a million dollars!", only to be informed that it actually cost a bit more than that. The various Warriors characters also hit the publicity trail, most memorably with The Ice Master appearing on an episode of Light Lunch alongside Lee and Herring. | ||
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| + | THE FIRST SHOW: The first episode of Ice Warriors went out on Saturday 24th January 1998 in the six o'clock slot vacated the previous week by Gladiators. Each week two teams would battle it out against each other, and the Warriors themselves, and in the first show the thrillingly named Nottingham Venom and Sheffield Falcons took to the ice. Were they professional ice hockey teams or something? We can't remember. Anyway, Dani Behr hosted proceedings, having lied about her skating prowess to get the gig, and Doctor "Neil" Fox filled in the John Sachs role and did the voice- overs. | ||
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| + | THE FIRST CRACKS: Ice Warriors certainly looked and sounded great, but over the first hour the format revealed itself to be, well, dead dull. The first problem was that, instead of the one-on-one combat of Gladiators, we had teams of contestants taking on teams of Ice Warriors, and after they'd put on all the safety gear they all looked the same – so it was impossible to root for a favourite because you didn't know who anyone was. Meanwhile, the whole thing was taken completely seriously, with Dani Behr reading the script as if it was the Bible and the Ice Master being all too easy to laugh at when he announced "I award the city state of Milton Keynes one hundred credits!". Yet these were flaws that could have been ironed out in time – the fundamental failing was that you can't do much on ice. Contestants could skate around the rink really fast, or they could be chased while they skated around the rink really fast, or there could be obstacles in the way while they skated around the rink really fast. But that's it. Repeat for an hour. For eight weeks. | ||
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| + | THE RESCHEDULING: A month in, ratings had dipped rather alarmingly, so the show was humiliatingly shoved forward an hour to the less than hallowed slot of five o'clock, losing fifteen minutes a show along the way, which rather illustrates how repetitive the series was if they could easily cut huge chunks out of it. In its place at six was the rather less thrilling Catchphrase and repeats of You've Been Framed. | ||
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| + | THE END: The Grand Final of Ice Warriors went out at teatime on Saturday 21st March. Nottingham Venom had battled their way to the end, when they went up against Hull Huskies for the big prize. Sadly the series was so boring nobody can remember what that big prize was – although you'd get a winter sports holiday for winning a heat – and nor can anyone remember who actually won it. Everyone was just so pleased the mind-numbing boredom was over. In fact, it was rumoured at the time there might have been a second series, but to appeal to the only audience who actually seemed to like it, it was going to be shown on Saturday mornings. But given how much money they'd wasted on this run, they just called it a day instead. | ||
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| + | THE POST-MORTEM: Dull from start to finish, Ice Warriors was simply a misjudged attempt to create a Gladiators lookalike while failing to realise what was good about that show in the first place. Here we had a series that was so in love with its own concept and mythology that they forget to put any jokes in it, while nobody seemed to realise the inherent flaws until the last minute. You've got to question too the logic of showing it straight after Gladiators in exactly the same slot, presumably to attract a similar audience, but just making the whole thing look even more pointless and derivative than it already was. Why not just show more Gladiators? | ||
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| + | THE AFTERMATH: After Ice Warriors flopped, Gladiators came back for a couple more years, but it was clear that the show had really run its course. Yet ITV were still desperate to find a replacement, so a year later they commissioned yet another variant on the format, Grudge Match, where members of the public took place in Gladiators- esque games to sort out arguments and disputes once and for all. At least this brought a bit of personality to proceedings that you didn't get in Ice Warriors, but it was bloody stupid, and an even bigger flop than Ice Warriors. | ||
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| + | THE VERDICT: A lesson for any broadcaster that jumps on the nearest passing bandwagon, Ice Warriors may have been as successful as Gladiators if they'd remembered to include any personality, humour or point. Exactly why ITV thought the public would go for a series that's exactly like one of their existing shows only not as good is beyond us. Don't expect to see this on Sky One any time soon.--> | ||
==Web links== | ==Web links== | ||
| - | Images of the million-pound set can be found at [http://www.andywalmsley.com/ | + | Images of the million-pound set can be found at [http://www.andywalmsley.com/show.php?project_id=58 designer Andy Walmsley's website]. |
== Pictures == | == Pictures == | ||
| - | <div class="image"><IMG src="/atoz/programmes/i/ice_warriors/ice warriors 3.jpg" alt="ice warriors 3.jpg" width="225" height="173"> | + | <div class="image"><IMG src="/atoz/programmes/i/ice_warriors/ice warriors 3.jpg" alt="ice warriors 3.jpg" width="225" height="173">''Quake at Marax the Vixen, a.k.a. Mrs King the PE teacher.''</div> |
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| - | '' | + | |
[[Category:Action and Adventure]] | [[Category:Action and Adventure]] | ||
[[Category:Fictional Characters]] | [[Category:Fictional Characters]] | ||
| + | [[Category:LWT Productions]] | ||
[[Category:Flops]] | [[Category:Flops]] | ||
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Current revision as of 16:47, 10 August 2022
Contents |
Host
Co-hosts
Voiceover: Neil "Doctor" Fox
Broadcast
LWT for ITV, 24 January to 21 March 1998 (9 episodes in 1 series)
Synopsis
Gladiators on ice but instead of the Glads we had the Ice Warriors - hurrah! Not, sadly, warriors made out of ice (which would have cost a few bob) but people dressed in Medieval costumes and called things like 'Rax the Destroyer', 'Plax the Mouthwash', 'Hattie Jacques out of the Carry On Films' and so on. Interestingly, whilst we aren't told the statistics in the Gladiators stylee (height, weight and so on), the Ice Glads are given attributes like Strength, Magic, Beauty, Intelligence and suchlike. Not a bad idea and one that suits the show fittingly.
The rather less impressive real-life stats for the Ice Master and Schnapps, as given in TVTimesLord of the Ice Plain (read - some specially-built ice rink in Manchester) and the man with the loudest, boomiest voice is... The Ice Master. The man who is quite literally the Master of Ice. The man who rules the rink with a rod of, erm, ice we guess. Anyway, it's his job to do the announcing of the games and the points. 'I award the city of Nottingham 50 credits!' he would say and everyone at home would mock him. Oh dear. John Anderson this man is not. He does have an assistant though who was a stupid goblin, Schnapps, for reasons we can't be bothered to remember.
So what of the games then? Well, the opening episode had the following delights for the two teams:
Zero Degrees: Players skate in and out of markers whilst ducking and diving over the giant Ice Propeller being pushed by the Ice Warriors. Now the first time this is played, it's quite amusing if somewhat brutal. Second time round it's a bit dull. Fourth time round (twice each for women and men) our remote control trigger finger is getting itchy.
Porcupine: A team of contestants attempts to throw a Saturn (like a Frisbee ball thing) into the back of a moving ice vehicle called the Porcupine (for obvious reasons...?) whilst the Gladiators, sorry, Ice Warriors try and stop them. A bit like basketball on ice really. Only duller.
Scythe: Iiiiitt's a race! And this week's novelty... is bits of wood! The ice warriors can use said wood bits to make barriers. Now that's all well and good but actually utterly pointless because the two teams are racing against each other.
Stretch: It's a tug of war on Ice!
The rinkAssault: The best game by quite some way, this was quite a complicated little obstacle course where the Ice Warriors could keep teams out of the points by finishing in the first or second positions. Oh, it was all on ice skates.
Chain Gang: For obvious reasons, three players on each team are linked together and if one goes down, they'll all fall down. Oh, and it's a race. On ice skates.
Later episodes included such magnificent ideas as Iceberg (contestants charge around the rink, but the Ice Warriors are trying to stop them by pushing around some seven-foot-high polystyrene shapes) and Cresta Run (in which teams pushed a bobsled round the rink and into a wall, and got it all done and dusted in less than 20 seconds.)
After all those six hi-octane dull rounds, and a bizarre Entertainment (think Riverdance, but On Ice. And duller) the team awarded the most credits gets to play for big cash prizes.
The Polar Pursuit: Well if three rounds can follow the same winning formula, why change it? Yep - it's another race, and this time it's a Pursuit. The Ice Warriors each carry flags and have to complete four laps of the track with the players giving chase. If the players catch up with their Warrior, they can grab the flag, take it to the centre, plant it in the flagpole, and win a whopping £250. But if the Ice Warriors completed four laps, then they were safe. The prize values increased through the knockout competition.
So then, the main problem in the show lies in the fact you can't actually do very much with ice skating other than a) skate on a boring, flat surface and b) try and do it faster than anybody else. It's this that killed the show stone dead.
Host of the show was Dani Behr who lied to get the job, saying that she could skate when in reality she couldn't. She took lessons. She needn't have bothered.
Dani Behr and companionIn some ways, this is almost a shame because despite not being thought out properly the show had very high production values. The music was all classical in nature and rather jolly with it, the set was equally good - lots of platforms and icicles with some random fire pools in places.
Catchphrases
"I award the city of Manchester 50 credits!" (and similar pomposity)
"We come here not to fight, but to excel!"
"The god of fortune has not smiled on you."
Inventor
Devised by Julian Grant and Roy Scammell.
Trivia
So poor were the ratings that a month in the show moved back an hour and lost fifteen minutes from its running time.
Perhaps surprisingly and perhaps not, Ice Warriors won the Bronze Rose of Montreux in the best game show category.
One ITV executive said, on visiting the set, "Wow, that looks like a million dollars." In fact, it cost £1.5 million...
The show was made at Manchester Arena, which had just been completed and had a permanent ice rink as part of its structure. When medieval-clad loons weren't bombing around on it, the ice played host to Manchester Storm in the Ice Hockey Superleague.
Web links
Images of the million-pound set can be found at designer Andy Walmsley's website.
Pictures
Quake at Marax the Vixen, a.k.a. Mrs King the PE teacher.