Topless Darts



Jimmy Frinton


L!ve TV, 1995-9


One of a number of L!ve TV shows that mixed lowbrow humour with naked flesh that achieved high post pub ratings. "They" do say that the secret of a good show is a premise that can be summed up in one line, and if that's the criterion, then this was a runaway success.

Some females play darts whilst topless. On a beach, if they're lucky. And that's it.

Actually, it wasn't even that good - the rule was simply "first to get a bullseye wins" and (well-substantiated) rumour has it that even then, the game was fixed, and the darts you saw hitting the board weren't necessarily the darts you saw being thrown. Like anyone cared.

Topless Darts on Ice. No expense spared.

Eventually branched out to do themed episodes, such as Topless Darts on Ice, Space, the Ballet, even in the Stone Age. A notorious at the World Cup edition saw an England versus Germany match in which the English contestant won 3-0 and therefore received the top half of her football kit to go along with the shorts (this edition came complete with a referee in the diminutive form of Rusty Goffe, subsequently known as the trampolining dwarf of another L!VE TV favourite, Britain's Bounciest Weather). Although it was originally a 90s phenomenon, the show enjoyed a second lease of life in the noughties courtesy of the revived L!ve TVs repeats on Sky's channel 214.


When L!VE TV was Millwall FC's shirt sponsor, they originally wanted to advertise this show on the shirts, but club bosses nixed that idea because they were worried it might encourage fans to throw darts. They compromised on promoting the channel's other vaguely high-profile show The Weather In Norwegian instead.


A video was released in 1996.


Nick Ferrari, who got the idea from a throwaway line in a Derek & Clive sketch. Considering the flights of fancy D&C went off on, we should probably be glad it wasn't a whole lot worse.

See also

Strip Masterbrain


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