Mallett's Mallet

Host

Broadcast

TV-am, 1986 to 1992 (as part of Wacaday)

Synopsis

Mallett's Mallet, then. Award-winning Shakespearean actor (lie) Timmy Mallett used to explain the game in one breath like so:

"Mallett'smalletisawordassociationgamewhere youmustn'tpauseyoumustn'thesitateyoumustn't repeatawordelseyougetabashontheheadlikeTHIS! orlikeTHIS!Weplayforaminuteandtheonewiththemostbruisesloses."

...and it's impossible to improve on that description.

Timmy would leer at the kids in turn, until one or the other provided a word that was foul for any of the reasons above, that just wasn't anything to do with the previous word or no word at all, upon which event he would deal a blow to the head of the offender with Mallett's Mallet and trigger a squeaky sound effect. The mallet in question was large, bright and made of foam, causing no injuries whatsoever.

Two children about to be hit with a large foam rendition of a popular DIY tool

Two pairs of kids used to face off against each other, the winners (kids receiving fewer bashes on the bonce) meeting in a later final. Winning kids would receive prizes; losing kids would receive sticking plasters, attached to a location of their choice, which they would wave with pride. That is all.

Key moments

The initial face-off where contestants were encouraged to psyche each other out by going "BLEUGH!" - with accompanying gesture - at one another, then "BLEUGH!" at the camera, to which we were supposed to respond in kind. Funny if you're under ten, which the audience were.

Theme music

A music clip is available on the TV Cream site.

Trivia

There were reports of kids using all sorts of malletry in order to simulate the game at home, though Timmy was keen to make sure that the kids used soft stuff to inflict bashes, and rightfully so. The final series eliminated heads and the mallet hit oversized buttons on a scoring device. "Boo hiss", we all said.

Timmy Mallett in unusually sober dress, with malletacious sidekick Pinky Punky

No kid scored zero on the game... ever. They would usually crack up laughing at least two or three times each during the minute; consequently, a single rally lasting as many as twenty seconds was a thing of great beauty indeed. Happy days, I tell you. Happy days.

Mike Myers (yes, Mr Wayne's World) and follow comedian Neil Mularkey began their career on this show as double-act "The Sound Asleep Club".