Weaver's Week 2024-10-27
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Something a bit more modern this week, as we look at some news and current affairs quizzes. Why?
Contents |
Because Have I Got Breaking News Quizzes For You!
It's been over a decade since we last took a look at the world of topical news quizzes, which is quite long enough for us to forget those episodes and take a fresh look.
Breaking the News
BBC Radio Scotland, Friday 1.32pm; television version late Friday night on the BBC Scotland channel
A brisk introduction: host Des Clarke introduces himself, the two pairs who will break the news and put it back together again, and then straight into the opening monologue. Greggs' will open a champagne bar, and there's a new agricultural college where the grades for entry will be E, I, E, I, doh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
Broken News is the first round: two major stories of the week mashed together into one audio package. For radio, it works well; for the television version, there's a certain something lacking. The first story is about proposals by those soft southerners to give unemployed people appetite suppressant drugs because apparently this will help them get back to work. (No, we don't understand it either, but then we're trying to apply science to the blitherations of someone with all the brains of an autocomplete bot.)
The other story is about how there's far too much pollution coming from incinerators, which are meant to burn rubbish to produce power, but actually burn rubbish and we breathe in a million lasagne trays. After answering the questions, there's a free-for-all across both teams, which could be quite funny, but doesn't seem to be particularly amusing here.
The set budget doesn't run to bright lights. (BBC)
A survey said... Clips of two friends of the show give clues to a survey in the news, which sparks off another discussion. It gets dark: "13% of parents say they can't find the time to read to their kids. That's not a lot, about the same as parents who don't like their kids." Ouch. A later question reminds us about when Noel's House Party had scratch 'n' sniff television.
Who's in the news – a clip of a mystery person, and the object is to say who it is. Al Pacino, who has released his autobiography, and says it's great to be a father at the age of 84. Ah, but does he have time to read to his child? Cristiano Ronaldo has been in Paisley, training ahead of his side's 0-0 defeat at Hampden.
And in honour of Ronaldo's temper, the panel is asked when was the last time you lost your rag? The show had already devolved into a sports discussion, and perhaps there's a bit too much sportsball for a general news prog.
Host Des Clarke reminds us the show is hosted by Des Clarke. (BBC)
The quickfire final round asks the teams to fill in the blanks in headlines. "Four out of ten of us do WHAT once a week?" Play Twister? No, apparently it's eat pizza. And that's the first and last question in the round.
Breaking the News first aired in June 2015, it's on for about half the year. Television version has come and gone over the years, this series is the first to be on the box for some years. It is literally a bunch of cameras in the radio studio, quite dimly lit and with plenty of shots of the audience where they've made edits.
Did we find the show funny? The chairman's script was full of one-liners; this week's panel didn't have us laughing outwardly, but we were gently entertained. And, with it being a news quiz, we hope to learn something – we'd missed that survey about pizza, and reading to children.
The News Quiz
BBC Radio 4, Friday 6.30pm
With regular host Andy Zaltzmann touring with a comedy troupe called "The England Cricket Team", The News Quiz has a guest host, Lucy Porter. She opens the programme with a completely rank skit, recalling some made-up tabloid nonsense about terrorist target Taylor Swift, inferring that the security guards at John Lewis are thugs, and that she herself is a thief. We usually say that less is less; in this case, less pre-credits guff would make the programme massively more fun.
This week's teams are Daliso Chaponda and Andrew Maxwell versus Ria Lina and Hugo Rifkind. Trash and third, we think the team names. The opening round includes an unfocussed discussion on inflation, and the claimed £22bn (€ 24,5md) black hole in the budget. Or, as Daliso points out, the "£22bn hole – why is it black?"
This week's host, Lucy Porter. (BBC)
Eventually – almost halfway through the show – we move into round two. "Which energy plant has money to burn?" Oh, this is the story about burning rubbish to make electricity again. The talk rambles on to Windermere – "don't call it Lake Windermere, we'll get letters" – where there's raw sewage being dumped through a secret pipe.
After just one question, we're into the sports round, with a voice memo from Andy Zaltzmann. An own goal in sport? Well, that'll be the England and Wales Cricket Board, which chose to block trans women from playing, in spite of there being precisely zero evidence to back up the claim of advantage, and plenty of evidence to suggest the EWCB has been played by religious zealots. Except they're talking about men's football. Again.
Eventually, a winner is declared, thanks to points awarded completely arbitrarily.
The News Quiz has been running since 1977, these days it makes about 24 episodes a year. Once upon a time, it had a structure: twelve or sixteen miniature quizlets, introduced by a vaguely cryptic clue, with silly cuttings from the press to lighten up proceedings, and scores that made some vague sense. These days, The News Quiz is five people rambling on, occasionally making a few jokes, the audience laughs and we can rarely figure out a reason why.
Did we find the show funny? No, not really. Did we learn anything? Nope.
Because News
CBC Radio 1, podcasts on Friday, broadcast Saturday 11.30am (11am in western Canada)
Because News debuted in autumn 2015. It makes about 30 episodes a year, with repeats and compilations filling out the summer and holiday weeks. There was a short-lived television version in autumn 2020, and more recently Because News has popped clips of its comedy onto Tiktok.
Our panel this week are Ashley Botting, a writer from This Hour has 22 Minutes; Chris Sandiford, from CTV's Shelved, and Jean Yoon from Kim's Convenience.
After a joke from host Gavin Crawford, we're straight into the first round, Altered Lyric. "It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A", turned into "Get off the S-T-A-G-E". What's the story? Turns out that it's some doddery old weird bloke who spent 39 minutes dancing to tunes in his own head. "Let's not have any more questions," the message from the clip. Perhaps we ought to have more questions, otherwise this is going to be a very short review.
This week's panel: Chris Sandiford, Jean Yoon, Ashley Botting. (CBC)
Every time there's a correct answer, the host sounds a hooter, a car horn. Helps to mark when the guessing can end and the team can start riffing on the facts. Other shows might use the idea.
Eventually, they run out of things to talk about on Harris versus the bonkers, so we move to a round of Things In Space!. "What is the Europa Clipper?" Isn't it something they use in France to cut toenails? No, it's a spacecraft with a ten year mission to travel to Jupiter's moons, and see if they can unearth any intelligent life – or failing that actors on the BSB soap opera.
They bury a few facts here: Europa is covered in ice, and the Clipper will make 49 close approaches to the planet, to try and work out what's beneath it. Dog poop? Water! Along with "energy" and "essential chemical building blocks", NASA says that "water" is one of the essential building blocks for life – all said in a way that sounds like they're advertising a yoghurt.
After a brief recap of who's on the show, it's into What-ho, Canada?, a round on local news. "What action has the prime minister taken?" "He crossed his arms and looked like he was in a huff."
Justin Trudeau has also taken to the stand and made "a stunning and testy testimony". What, he's finally answered the question about whether his mother Margaret sung on "The safety dance"? Ah, no, turns out that young Justin Beaver reckons some of the opposition Conservative-Reform Alliance Party are being given money by foreign agents. "I know nothing of this," said opposition leader Pierre Polyglot, because M. Polyglot has refused information that would tell him about this.
Gavin Crawford is the host. (CBC)
Finally, News Clue is a made-up episode of Scooby Doo, wondering what is the cause of the white goo found floating in Placentia Bay on the coast of Newfoundland. "Pancake mix that someone has sneezed on," the guess as to what it is. Or mould, or fungus, or ambergris coughed up by whales.
Because News is recorded in front of a studio audience, and there's plenty of laughter. Gavin Crawford knows when to let the laughter ride and when to move on to the next question – no doubt the editors help to keep this a tight and fun show. It is a contest, they do keep score, and declare a winner, and the winner gets to read out the credits at the end of the show. Passed the six laughs test in the first segment, and we learned quite a few things, too.
Have I Got News for You
Hat Trick for BBC1, Friday 9pm
Most of the elements have been in place since HIGNFY began in 1990. Many of them have been present since it stopped being must-see telly somewhere around 2002. Big George's urgent theme tune, check. Animations poking fun at topical events from about eighteen months ago, check. Guest host, check – this week's Alexander Armstrong is Hannah Fry, the statistician. Joke at the expense of Matt Hancock, check.
The teams are Ian Hislop (editor, Private Eye) and Phil Wang (comedian); and Paul Merton (metalwork CSE) and Carol Vorderman (Countdown brainbox). The team make about twenty episodes a year.
Hannah Fry is the vital statistician. (Hat Trick)
First round, what's the story. Some footage of a man and a woman walking past a freezer cabinet, someone shaking pennies out of a piggy bank, and some sort of torture machine. Apparently, this is all about the Forth Coming Budgie, an event when someone from Edinburgh welcomes a small yellow bird to live in their home.
The conversation rambles on, through Wesley Streeting's latest science-free guff, via Taylor Swift's status as a Very Very Important Person, and eventually to the shrinking size of the Freddo chocolate bar. And then they play a clip of a convicted election fraudster, who has (apparently) said something and (according to the panel) it's funny. We know comedy when we see it. That's not comedy.
What's next? The man who "won" the World Conker Championships, but was later found to have a steel conker in his pocket. "He denies all the allegations," says this week's Angus Deayton; "so does Michelle Moan," says this week's Ian Hislop. We learn that Carol Vorderman was the Rhyl Junior Conker Champion of 1969; two minutes in vinegar, two minutes in the oven was her secret.
Is that a metal conker in your pocket? (Hat Trick)
And the conversation rambles, to the World Wife Carrying Competition, which took place in Finland earlier in the year. Sadly, no footage of the World Tram Drivers' Championship, which a) feels like a missed opportunity and b) really ought to be live on Channel 5.
Round two is the Venn diagram of news. Space shuttle and chopsticks? Ah, that'll be the booster rocket that went 70,000 feet due up, separated from its capsule, and then reversed the tape to fly back to its launch pad. "What was the point of the Musk thing?" asks Ian Hislop; nobody can provide an answer. And the conversation rambles; a robot with three arms has conducted the Dresden Philharmonic, but it's not as good as Sue Perkins. Then there's a segment trying to portray a convicted criminal and rapist as funny, which just doesn't work.
The Odd One Out round follows. A Quantas flight to Tokyo, Malcolm Kenyatta, the numberplate TO25 POT, and Judi Dench's parrot. Ah, this'll be things that have been unexpectedly rude, apart from Mr. Kenyatta, who thought the swear word was "bullocks". Later, they play a list of the free gifts given out to someone, set to "Left bank" from Take Hart's Gallery segment. Could they not find the music from the conveyor belt section of The Generation Game?
Count Von Count would know exactly how fast he was driving. Though not necessarily where he was. (Hat Trick)
Finally, at last, we reach the Missing Words round. All, some, or fewer are taken from Ringing World, the magazine for church bell ringers. "The measure of a successful AGM for the Central Council of Church Bell Ringers is" – what? "If it's over quickly", the correct answer, and we're not going to argue with that! There's a picture of a car being driven by Cookie Monster, which is so bizarre nobody could make a good joke about it.
At the end of the show, it's a draw. 5-5. Nobody won, least of all us viewers. There were a few laughs in there, and we learned a lot of things, but Have I Got News for You leaves us feeling incredibly grubby. Too cosy, too unfocussed. Needs less pretending that convicted criminals and sex pests are funny; evidently they've learned nothing from promoting Johnson above his abilities.
Have I Got News for You America
Hat Trick for CNN, something like 2am Sunday morning but we've not stayed up to watch it
Big George's theme music: in a bass-heavy remix losing a lot of the urgency. Frantic animated titles: eep-orp. Instead, black-and-white photographs of the regulars. HIGNFY-CNN is the youngest show on our slate, this is episode 6 in series 1.
The set is mostly red with blue highlights. (Hat Trick)
Host is Roy Wood Junior (comedian and actor). Resident captains are Amber Ruffin (comedian and writer), and token white guy Michael Ian Black (actor, writer, and comedian). We begin with a couple of witticisms linking into clips, then introduce the guests. Amber's joined by Sam Seder (actor and commentator); Michael's with Alex Edelman (influencer).
Biggest stories of the week first: we're going back to the "chaotic" campaign where an unimprisoned fraudster preferred to dance to tunes in his own head rather than give any sort of coherent speech. There's some attempt to give equal time to less weird people, including some who actually have friends and are liked by people they don't pay.
There's also some talk about who funds political campaigns; some are funded by lots of people making small donations, others get their dosh from a very few super-rich people trying to buy the result they want.
Amber Ruffin and guest Sam Seder. (Hat Trick)
After the break, it's the Missing Words round; as it's the first series, we'll forgive them for establishing the format before they mess about with it. "Wanted fugitive caught hiding from cops inside BLANK wearing nothing but BLANK". Sadly, the show rushes these moments – they could lean into the surreal idea of a man in an ice cream parlour wearing nothing but sprinkles, but the first answer is the only one we see.
Lie-Curious is next, three "facts" about a person in the news, but only one of them is true. Great to see the shows from BBC4 are making a comeback: shame that the round leaves us thinking "who cares".
Alex Edelman and captain Michael Ian White. (Hat Trick)
The Offend-o-meter comes next: who is this person, who have they offended, and how bad was his offence? Here, for instance, is internationally famous saxophone player William S. Clinton, who spoke at a funeral and appeared to disrespect the deceased. We also find out his favourite movie is Who's Your Caddy, in which (er) stuff happens.
Meet in the Middle – how can we find connections between pairs of disparate celebrities? Turns out that Idris Elba and Pope Francis have both worked as a bouncer in a nightclub. Then there's a discussion of how famous women fall off stage and bounce back, while famous men fall off stage and marinade in their own stumble.
Which of these faces meet in the Venn Diagram of News? (Hat Trick)
The Odd One Out round concludes the show: three of them are linked, one is not. Panelist Alex Edelman is able to identify John Hamm through a picture of Mr. Hamm's upper legs; when Amber Ruffin points this out, Alex turns visibly red. Even on a mostly-red set, we can see the burn.
Who Said It – was this piece of baloney said by Ted Cruz or Homer Simpson? Consider this the quickfire shoutout round, because there are no buzzers in the studio. Or indeed scores – although HIGNFY CNN has the form of a quiz, they haven't got anybody handling the team's points.
Did we laugh? A fair few chuckles. Did we learn anything? Plenty of interesting factoids.
In conclusion
We would have liked to include a domestic topical comedy show made by the commercial sector, but there simply isn't one at the moment. ITV stopped making satire years ago, Channel 4's The Last Leg isn't a contest, and we're not sure Channel 5 has ever bothered. Neither is there anything in the genre on ad-funded radio.
The three BBC shows were all much of a muchness – although they have separate writing teams, they're all fishing in the same small pond for news, and all covered the same topics in near-identical ways. Their styles were equally identical, a question from the host sparks off a rambling discussion, which may or may not reach a comedy point, and almost certainly goes on so long that it stops being funny.
Because News has carved out its niche: a stand-up comedy programme, edited together to keep the laughs flowing, and much more freestyle than the BBC equivalents. HIGNFY CNN might still be finding its feet, and there's a round or two they could comfortably replace. There's also a round or two they could re-introduce to the BBC show.
If we have to rank these shows in Snog-Marry-Avoid territory, we'll marry Because News, we'll snog HIGNFY CNN, and politely avoid the rest.
In other news
Blind Date couple still together Sue and Alex Tatham were put together on primetime ITV. They got along, got married, and 33 years later chose to renew their vows last weekend. We wish them well for the future.
Young Musicians The BBC contest ended last weekend, and the winner was pianist Ryan Wang. This column doesn't claim to be an expert in piano playing, but we do know when someone is bringing great texture and sensitivity to their performance. Well done to Ryan, and runners-up Shlomi Shahaf (violin) and Jacky Zhang (piano).
We also hear that the Eurovision classical concert is going to Yerevan in 2026; date to be confirmed. If this show is a tenth as fun as their Junior Eurovision concerts, it will be a blast.
More CBC news Mattea Roach, one of the big winners on Jeopardy!, has a regular show on CBC Radio. Bookends is a series of extended interviews with writers who have things to say about their work, the world, and everything else. Find an hour, stick an interview on.
The only future autocomplete bots can imagine. (Remarkable Television)
Binky bonky binky ITV has let slip that they want autocomplete bots to create parts of their schedule, and will pay six-figure salaries to whoever feeds nuts and bolts to the bots. This comes as quite the surprise, as we thought Deal or No Deal with Stephen Mulhern and the scripts from Love Island and everything that happens on Loose Women were already made up by rather stupid robots. This column took a look at autocomplete bots last summer, and concluded a) they have even less creativity than a photocopier, and b) they're so intelligent they'd be out of The 1% Club before the first ad break.
Autocomplete bots are no solution to anything. The Writers' Guild hit the nail on the head, saying “We were shocked to hear that ITV are intending to bring in an AI expert to replace writers and other creators. There’s no shortage of story ideas out there, though sadly there appears to be an unwillingness to pay for them. If the broadcaster has a spare £95,000, they would be better off investing in screenwriters rather than gimmicks. We strongly oppose this move from ITV, which also raises serious questions about IP. We will be talking about this to ITV as a matter of urgency.”
ITV would do better to go out and ask people for new ideas. See if you can make full shows out of some of the Twitch streamers' inventions. Commission new screenwriters. Make some studio sitcoms. Do some semi-scripted drama. Do the things autocomplete bots could never: imagine. Innovate. Throw off your mental chains. Do better.
The original Eggheads. (12 Yard)
12 Yard set to close ITV's version of "do better" doesn't include the 12 Yard company. Founded in 2001 by David Young, and sold to ITV in 2007, the studio has a hatful of successes – Eggheads, In It to Win It, Who Dares Wins, Coach Trip. And some that left an impression from quality: Big Star's Little Star, the thoroughly brilliant Without Prejudice?, the overthought The Colour of Money, most recently Popmaster TV. And, as they said on Pressure Pad, many many more!
What was the first lesson of Big Brother? You know, the book where powerful people re-wrote history to suit their own convenience? It's one thing for the producers to object to a contestant wearing a t-shirt with a contentious image; we can understand why they might even go so far as to remove shots of it from an episode, edit around the contentious bit. But to re-post the episode with the same contestant, and the contentious image blotted out? That's not cool. Do better.
And the creep level sexual harassment they're showing every single night? Not cool. Do better.
Big Brother is lying to you. (Remarkable Television)
Picture this ITV has commissioned a new game show, a version of Pictionary licensed from Mattell's game show division. It's broadly similar to the show syndicated in North America. Whisper North produce the show, and Mel Giedroyc will host. Any comparison with her earlier show Draw It! is entirely in our head.
Interesting to note that this is a 30-minute show, rather than the one-hour monsters we've been accustomed to. Could this be a Saturday night replacement for Stephen Mulhern's In for a Penny with Stephen Mulhern?
Quizzy Mondays
John Robinson won on Mastermind, scoring the first Perfect Round of the series, on the art movement futurism. All the other contestants – Caroline Grogan, Kal Dixit, and Anthony Smith – had strong general knowledge rounds, but lost something on their specialist subjects.
"What do you use Chat GPT for?" "I wrote a quiz using it, and eight of the ten answers were wrong." Only Connect gave some very clear notes for ITV. Tea Totallers won their elimination match, taking out the Pipe-Dreamers by 31-20. It was a very close match until the final round, thanks to great spots like the ever-changing name of The QI and HIGNFY Freeview Channel, and spotting Mary Earps from a picture.
Cardiff overcame a slow start to boss University Challenge, beating St Andrews by 200-145. They're very strong on catastrophes, and the structure of a URL, and guessed the right politician who succeeded Nigel Lawson-Badger as finance minister. St Andrews had their moments, a very early buzz on epistemology, and leaving host Amol Rajan doing a head-desk when they didn't know Otis Redding. This was heat 11, so UCL qualify as the highest-scoring losers of the series so far; St Andrews have 145 points, and are third on the high-scoring losers' list.
Great news for the red box club: Stephen Mulhern's Deal or No Deal is back (ITV, weekdays). There's a new series of Rhod Gilbert's Growing Pains (Comedy Central, Mon), and Unspeakable moves to a full series (Radio 4, Thu). Drag Race Down Under appears on BBC3 (Fri).
Bad news for cookery fans: Masterchef The Professionals is back (BBC1, Tue, Wed, Fri), with the first episode head-to-head against Bake Off (C4). We'll have to pick a side: Team Bald Bloke Who's A Bit Shouty, Team Irritating Hairy Bloke Who Isn't As Funny As He Thinks He Is, or Team Stuff This We'll Watch The Football On The Other Side.
Next Saturday is Icons Week on Strictly Come Dancing, honouring Recycle Bin and My Computer and we particularly look forward to Nick Knowles dressing as Clippy. The Chase Celebrity Special gets a new episode (ITV), followed by Romesh Ranganathan's Parents' Evening, celebrities team up with family members. They may have discontinued Who Dares Wins on BBC1, but The Money List returns to RTÉ1.
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